That there below is the video to 64A5R by Disco Bitch - the proper Disco Bitch, the original rave punk outfit from Essex formed when we were still at school not the French house sissies discobitch, or the sexeh model/ Artist lady Disco-Bitch from Noo Yoik...

Disco Bitch is the funnest band ever - we were 14 or 15 when we started out and as most of the songs were written then they are mostly about computer games and telly programmes. We did have one song that started off being about the frivolity of wearing an Anti Nazi League badge but it almost immediately deteriorated into just telling everyone to fuck off (you can be very cross when you are 15 if you try even just a little bit). We played loads of amazing gigs, smashed up some shopping trolleys and showed off like nobody's business ~ until, a bit like summer of '69, everyone went of to university or France or whatever and Disco Bitch was no more.

[colon apostrophe open bracket]

...until a few years back when Stafford Glover held a reunion of 90s Colchester bands and Disco Bitch was asked to reform - Adam (rabbit head) and Nick spent months coaxing the original quartet tunes off ancient 3 1/2 inch floppy discs and a Atari STE that had gone yellow and was 30% dust and I rooted around under my bed and in boxes and that to find old lyrics preserved in school rough books. Patience paid off and originals (Nintendude, Go Fishing, Chase HQ, BDU etc) were transferred to wav ~ some beauties, such as the aforementioned Anti Anti could not be saved and had to be 1/2 remembered and rewritten on proper computers.

The gig we did was too much fun so we do a couple of gigs a year as log as it isn't too much of a pain > incedentally next gig is on the 1st October at the Silver Bullet in Finsbury Park see you THERE - you can chirpse us up on twitter if you want to book us (but we will need loads of notice and beer).

Here we are then, almost 20 years on still jumping about in our pants and vests pretending we are 15.

"The song is about discount alcohol deals and how AWESOME they are. It is a poetical political protest song. The UK government plans to ban cheap alcohol deals. Disco Bitch believe that 6 cans of continental strength lager for 5 pounds is the backbone of British partying. Stop this madness!

Shot on Canon 550D at Practice Studios, Sheffield before Disco Bitch played a legendary gig at The Harley, Sheffield."

Here are some more links for the (original and best) Disco Bitch <3 <3 <3

• Twitter
• Facebook
• video to 3D (the one where barbie pukes)

P.S. that's not me using party as a verb up there I'm quoting oh yes

I have actual flu ~ 'ACTUAL' FLU.

Not 'really just a cold' flu or 'actually a hangover' flu or 'just couldn't be arsed to go to work ' flu, actual flu. Actual flu is different from other types of flu in that a doctor tells you that you have it and gives you a prescription for antibiotics (even though flu is a virus and anti-biotics fight infection he is a doctor and he knows about these things - something to do with lungs and sinuses). It also differs from the common cold in that you can't just self medicate with booze to get rid of it.

For clarity here are the symptoms of actual flu:

• refusal to believe you are ill when everyone tells you you look like you are in a black and white film
• insatiable desire for sweet things and mini chedders
• loss of appetite at your girlfriend's special birthday tea
• massive hacking cough like a deathbed Victorian TB sufferer
• every so often sweating like a fat person eating a curry in a sauna
• 50% hot so hot sooo hot you must be nudie immediately (or keep pants on for decorum)
• 50% cold so cold sooo coold - where are my fucking clothes? give me back my clothes

I like my doctor - he said god had blessed me with very good health because I hadn't been to the doctors for 9 years or something - I had to tell him that actually I had paid a few visits to various A&E departments during that time ~ predominantly at our local Hommerton University Hospital, and a few times to the sexily transmitted diseases clinic - and that I had actually been to his surgery a couple of times for tetanus jabs ~ he assured me i was still blessed.

bless up doc

Incidentally last time i went for a tetanus jab nursey told me that I have had so many tetanus jabs now that i don't ever need to have another one even if I am bitten by a rusty robot dog with big dirty old 6 inch nails for teeth. Howaboutthatthen?

You know this thing? The Last Barman Poet - it's like the Aristocrats joke but for Poets - everyone writes a poem based on the performance poetry that Tom Cruise does in Cocktail ~ this is the one from the film:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZsiY9S4WpI

I wrote a poem for it and went to submit it but looks like they don't take submissions - I didn't have a mood about it of course because I have my own publishing platform right fucking here.

so here is is:

The Antepenultimate Barman Poet

I am the antepenultimate barman poet
I had a scene in the bit before the fat yuppie got up on the stairs
Bryan also read a poem
but both ended up on the cutting room floor
which was a shame in a way because Bryan’s one was quite moving
if a little naive
and mine was the only screen time I ever had, apart from showing my penis to Cagney out of Cagney and Lacey in the opening credits for season 2
and Tom stole my snazzy / Kamikaze rhyme

the cunt

[EDIT - I'm a cock ~ they do take submissions and I submitted it thx @emmahammondpoet ]

Maybe you remember this maybe you don't but I used to be in a band called 'The Biceps' we were pretty cool I can tell you. Obviously there were massive efforts from all and sundry to try and sign us - sometimes our gigs would literally be a pit of A&R people fighting like Rachel Ticotin and Sarron Stone in Total Recall and no room for the real music fans. That's why we had to give it up in the end - it had already had it's soul ripped out by the man and had teh love destroyed before we even got signed and did world tours and got ourselves drug problems.

*sigh*

...anyway - when we were in this band Nick used to make pop videos for us - here is one he found 1/2 done the other day in his pile of incomplete projects ~ and so he finished it off:

I remember us pottering around Stoke Newington with a camera, a big O and a big K, and a cardboard and tin foil robot head - funteims.

I also remember the lady from the funded playground giving us a mega bollocking and implying we were peados for taking pictures of the gate without permission - then 5 seconds later when Nick had ROBO-CHIRPSED her up (and she found out WHO we were obviously) she was giving us a tour of teh facility and suggesting good places for a sexy robot shoot.

Right so where HAS all my shit gone and why haven't I posted anything for weeks and weeks? Well my lovlies ~ in short it was all gettin much here so I split it all up to three sites - then i neglected ol sink the rock because of having two new sites to play with - which are:

The Crescent - has moved to http://www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com so it has it's own proper site and isn't getting in the way of my other bullshit and making me look bad when the 6 latest posts are not from my blog. Also I hilariously lost almost all of our four thousand subscribers by moving teh feed address - lucky for us we couldn't give a shit and we just pretend we still have loads of subscribers so our vanity does not suffer and we can keep showing off like nobodies business...

Dear Janit - Janit now has her own site as well where I am rewriting the letters one by one so they don't have spelling mistakes and the grammar is ever so slightly a little bit less wrong. Every letter is illustrated by my sister now as well so it actually looks liek a proper blog - MEOW

Sink the Rock - remains the worst blog ever with no clear direction or coherent focus, low readership, questionable taste and less than frequent updates.

Thank you for your fucking time x x

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Wicker went to a gig and saw real life famous people and cant stop going on about it so this episode is a little bit longer than we had intended > in celeb werld > WAGS in World of Warcraft BATTLE > Victoria Beckham having fourth boob implanted > Amy Wineclaart diet SECRRITS > Colleen's 'mazin jewelery at Argos > Banged up over a biscuit and a tart > my thong split my bum > EYEBALLING spirits is the latest party craze > EWAG - explained > SO many brilliant sex problems and advice I can't even begin to tell you about it.

Wicker wears animal hood thing by Stephanie Taskforce

Playing out with Pavement - 'Two States'.

...Did you know that Billy Ocean is not American and is called Billy Ocean because he grew up on the Ocean estate in Stepney? - I did't until about half eleven last night.

AND > please remember the game that no one will play is - when you see a famous: tweet it and tag it with #icfp (I see famous people) so I can find it and read it out ...

Contact the show? - barely anyone does so if you do you are bound to be on it > message us up to be on next week > Myspace / Facebook / Twitter: @chimpdonk / @wickerwoo

The Crescent - www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

Dear Janit,

It has been so long since my last correspondence and I only wish this letter could be more a discourse of praise but there follows an issue which simply must be addressed. While I can accept your attitude is almost certainly a response to my recent trips away from home there is now a line in the sand, the crossing of which will not be tolerated.

In these occasional instances of my absence I am prepared to accept being sulked at, ignored and treated with disdain for a day or so upon my return. What i refuse to condone is any sort of misbehavior during my absence. In particular the practice of any toiletry anywhere other than the normal designated areas. I thank the Lord that you didn't return to full dirty protest but still, spending half a penny around and about the place is not an intelligent way to register umbrage or anywhere near approaching a dignified way for a lady to behave.

And, for pity's sake, Wicker's Mother came to stay and was forced to bear witness to the whole sordid episode.

To be perfectly frank, you've let me down, you've let Wicker down and you've let yourself down.

Having said that, I am pleased that your apethetic treatment of me only lasted a few hours and I hope that now we can put this sorry affair behind us.

Kindest Regards

love from

Crispin

Well whaddaya know? Two Egg related chats today - one with Annabel one with Erica -both about eggs.

First one is about how to perfectly poach an egg after Annabel showin off like nobody's business on twitter a couple days back > http://twitpic.com/11y5hl

Crispin: hey egg witch
tell me your secrets
i want to poach an egg

Annabel: k
but i might have to kill you after

Crispin:  ok deal

Annabel: poached egg last supper - woot

Crispin: lol

Annabel: k so it's get the water boiling to a 'rolling boil'
i know the technical terms and everything

Crispin: this bread is my body and this wine is my blood
~ hey JC what's teh egg?
umm

Annabel: hahaha

Crispin: that's my umm\
the egg is, like... my dog?

 - ok right rolling boil
i am there

Annabel: add vinegar

Crispin: zomg
how much

Annabel: errr
like enough
jeez you measurements

Crispin: ok tell me in blubs

Annabel: there's a 'want' missing in that line somewhere
a 'glug'
how's that

Crispin: ok a glug yep

Annabel: break egg into a cup

Crispin: i hve the purfect one
it is a pink barbie one

Annabel: i've heard that poached eggs excel in barbie cups
oooh you need a stopwatchy thing

Crispin: ok i got my phone

Annabel: this is the science
ok so all in go - you want to swirly swirly the water
drop egg in and carry on swirly swirlying all at same time
and leave it for 2mins precisely

Crispin: ok safe here i go

one more thing
clockwise / anti cockwise

Annabel: lolz
hang on i have to air swirly
hmm i go anti

Crispin: aces

- - - - 

Crispin: that's amazin

http://img390.yfrog.com/i/n04q.jpg/

so i think i might put this on me blog
you are going to have to kill me anyway
sheep as a lamb and all that

>>>> moments later~ more egg related IM chat...

Erica: last night i was having a dream and then in my dream suddenly i was frying an egg but then i felt sick and woke up
IRL pete had done a really smelly guff
so bad it woke me up

Crispin: lol

web player > www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

Wicker is going to HELL > I am not bcs I am just a hitch hiker > Angelina with some new old hat *SIGH* > Corpse Bride from girls aloud dressed up like TwoFace from Batman > Posh is having her feet cut off > Brad's fat brother > Cheryl Cole is scared of Psychics > 3 seats on the plane but that means 3 dinners NOM NOM and thrice NOM > some attention hungry people on the problem pages > a DYNAMITE SEX TIP > AND > SOME PEOPLE sent me messages on twitter WOW @chimpdonk.

Playing out with 'Stage Shoes' by Fever Fever. If you are quick you can catch them playing in Brixton tonight TheRestIsNoise 442 Brixton Road London SW9 8EJ > http://music.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=music.showDetails&friendid...

We cant go though because THAT is south of the river ~ and we are going to BRAIN DRAIN at the Old Blue Last > Blue On Blue (live) / Dignan Porch (live) - FREE ENTRY!!

TEA Mr.Shifter? light refreshment?

Contact the show? - barely anyone does so if you do you are bound to be on it > tag tweets with #celebz / message @wickerwoo @chimpdonk or drop us a comment on MySpace OR email us > wicker@sinktherock.org or crispin@sinktherock.org

The Crescent - www.CelebrityGossipPodcast.com

I am posting this chat with my sister for posterity mostly but you are welcome to read it if you like.

To put it in context later this year we are going away for a holiday at some yurts in wales where they farm alpacas (Adam is organising it) > AND > wtf is a labradoodle? > AND > me and erica used to work in a cafe on Church Street called 'The Cooler' - it was very Stoke Newington - soya milk lattes in the 90s, gluten free stuff (a good 5 years before all the people in North London suddenly realised they were DEFINITELY allergic to bread), responsibly reared meat before Hugh Fearnley Whittingstall had even killed his first pig and organic cucumbers for two fifty before Wet and Wild opened up down the road and just did all that shit better....

erica: i had mental dreram after adam sent the yurts email
i dreamt i had impulsively bought an alpacca
it was really naughty and annoying and i was really embaressed that i had purchased something so irresponssible and stuuupid
so embarrassed that i kept telly everone it was a labradoodle

crispin: did they beliieve you?

erica: yeah think so

crispin: your dream freinds are WELL stupid

erica: you should know
YOU WERE ONE OF THEM

crispin: FUCK
i cant be held responsible for your subconscious deflating of my brilliant mind
I know the difference:

a labradoodle is labradoodally recognised while an alpaca is alpakkaly different

erica: LOL
it was a very small alpacca
and mostly fur
so you shouldn't be too ashamed and so defensive

crispin: whatevs
can dogs spit?

erica: yes
but only down
slowly

crispin: bob carolgees dog doesn't count
PUPPET NOT REAL

erica: i had to google image that

crispin: oh really?
don't you remember when we worked in the cooler
where was the poster for someones amazin meditaion class or something
we changed his name to bob carolgees

erica: did we? - we were horrid
much worse than fresh and wild staff

crispin: because well he looked EXACTLY like bob carolgees
EXACTLY
(had a similar mustache)

erica: lol - well imagine the reiki hawking lactose intolerant prick deserved to be ridiculed

crispin: YEH the cunt

erica: we were deffo nice to some customers
even esp nice to some...just to make the ones we were mean to realise that we hated them

crispin: our mates

erica: ...i was nice to erm...mr machiatto
and...cappucino croisant lesbian
and ....
that might have been it

crispin: i think it was

erica: I hated... chevre bouche salad man, croissant with lots of butter estate agent bitch, the most and hated serving the clepto mum erghghghghgh and the 'do you want to see my jewells' lady

crispin: we were kind of nice to 2 cappuccinos, almond croissant and a cinnamon swirl couple

erica: ohhh yeah - and their live at home son

crispin: omg jewels lady
"do i look nice today?"

erica: no
you look mental go away

crispin: lol
once amanda tried to throw her off by telling her she looked nice before she could ask
she said

i smell a bit though I haven't had a wash for days

erica: that time she made vanessa hold her rings and then said ' i just been for a smeer test' lolololol vanessa almost did a sick

crispin: oh YEAH LOL

erica: hahahaahaaa
we are mean - she was actually mental
not a cock like the rest of em

crispin: we wernt mean

erica: true - well not to their faces

crispin: jewels lady wouldn't have known if we were
she was too busy fretting about her care worker and landlord who were "shooting me all full of heroin and having sex with me"
heroin/ insulin

erica: with the amount of cake she ate she deffo had diabetes
though the pills she got out on the bus and was showing the lady in front of me were 'to stop her friend comming back'
'because they made her do bad things'

crispin: Hoot <3s mental poeoples